i'm always torn between wanting to tell my story to everyone and let them know exactly what is in my head or keeping it to myself. the problem is being outwardly unhappy and consistently so pushes people away, no matter if they say they're always there to listen, there is only so much best friends can listen to.
on the other hand, to pretend that everything is fine is to poison yourself from the inside out; it is to ignore who you are and lose yourself. so which is better? to have friends that think you are melodramatic, seeking attention, and pessimistic, or to drown in your own mind?

1:37 AM thoughts

I wish people knew how I really am, what I really feel. 

It's so hard knowing that you have all these negative thoughts and emotions flowing inside you without having anyone to open up to. It's sad.

I wish people knew how sensitive I am towards things, how I tend to over think.

I cry a lot.

Knowing that there isn't anyone who would understand how I truly feel because they simply hadn't gone through what I've been through to truly understand it.

Allah knows best, I know.

And He keeps giving me all these tests in which I'm trying so hard to face.

As someone told me, He wouldn't give us tests that we can't handle or overcome.

Therefore, I believe I'll be strong enough to go through every single one that's been thrown to me, slowly but surely.

I've obviously done things that I haven't been proud of but I've tried my best to pull myself together and regain what I've lost with the people I love.

Although for some reason, I tend to accidentally do them again without thinking.

People keep reminding me that I can't please everyone.

But I've always had the need to do so. I feel like it's a must.

Feeling paranoid if I don't.

Whatever it is, I'm trying to convince myself that something good will happen.

I'm trying to convince myself to believe that after every bad moment, a good one will soon arise.

I'll be left with no choice but to put my feelings behind for the sake of getting better.

I hope things will be better.

All I need to do now is to stay calm and somehow, try to keep this to myself.

I wouldn't want to trouble anyone with my problems as they have bigger problems of their own.

After all, no one will ever know.